Bench Markers: Festus Ezeli

Six minutes, no more
Five fouls, oh my, where's Duffy?
The Beastus is tamed

You heard it, and haiku don't lie. My Boy Festus had quite the showing against Kentucky, contributing five fouls in an intriguingly small window of time. I can barely brush my teeth in six minutes, and you're telling me My Boy Festus came off the bench and was able to hack the shit out of Kentucky up and down the hardwood in that little time? Hell yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Ballsy shit right there. I mean did you see that thing with "Cousins" on the back of its jersey? It looked like Big Foot banged Queen Latifah and they gave their newborn a stupid headband. You try fouling that and I bet you end up in the toilet like the rest of the backup forwards Cousins eats for 4th meal. But not My Boy.

I don't care what you say, but My Boy Festus continuosly brings it. And that's why he tops the list as my first Bench Marker. He electrified Memorial against Mississippi State on February 3rd when he almost shattered the glass doing his best Dwight Howard impression, and I expect this from him everytime Stalling's gives him the nod. He even fouls like an animal when he needs to. In such a physical game, we have no chance if Cousins is unharmed in the paint, or Bledsoe can drive to the hole without getting some warm humble pie fresh outta My Boy Festus' oven (which he served nicely with his fifth and final). No matter what we need, My Boy Festus will step up and deliver. And that's why since day one we've been coached on life's 3 certainties: death, taxes, and My Boy Festus dominating the shit out of whoever crosses his path. The dude majors in Biology for chrissake.